Wednesday, June 20, 2012

An Actual Blog Post!

So, I've realized that all my blog posts are about me. That is pretty crappy. I guess it is called The Ranga Blog, so it's ok. But really, come on. So on this one, we're changing it up a bit.

TheWife and I were having a conversation the other day and I thought the results would be interesting to post up here. The question posed was: "What are 10 things that, in your mind, every guy should be able to do?" I'll start with my thoughts and finish up with TheWife's. Clearly, we were both thinking a bit differently--I was thinking of things that make a man more manly, while she was thinking in more of a romantic, "make me feel secure" light. Either way, here we go:

1. Swim

This isn't just confined to guys. In my opinion, every person on earth should be able to do this. After all, isn't our planet 75% covered in water? But, it's quite important. I hate swimming, but thank my stars that Mom made me go to weekly lessons with the Speedo-clad Parisian named Pascal at ULM for lessons. There was lots of crying, and the smell of the Natatorium back home still haunts me, but I know how to swim and that's what matters. In fact, UNC deemed this skill so important as to declare it a graduation requirement until 2006, when I guess it became less important. Bottom line: college graduate or not, we should be able to swim, if only for one reason: if our sons or daughters fall into a pool, we should be able to jump in and save them. Astoundingly, there are too many stories of adults whose children wandered into a pool or a pond and either the child drowned or the adult/parent, not knowing how to swim, drowned in an attempt to save the child. Like this tragic story that happened in my hometown.

Also, if that's a bit heavy, swimming makes vacation way fun. So yeah, learn how to swim.

TheRanga's score: Pass (thanks, Mom!)

2. Drive a Stick Shift

Clearly, this is on my list, not TheWife's. Men are into cars, and cars are at their coolest in a manual transmission. It's that simple. The feeling of control, the artistry, the connection between you and the car--I can't imagine anything much better. And I can't even drive a stick. I just know that it looks mad cool when someone can. And I feel emasculated because I can't.

Part and Parcel to this is 2a. Have some automotive knowledge--if you and YourWife are on a date and the car isn't starting, it's nice if you have some inkling of an idea what's going on. Is there water in the carburetor? Is the battery dead? Is the alternator in need of replacement? It's something that would serve every man well, and probably make him a bit sexier to his ladyfriend(s).

TheRanga's score: Fail. Massive Fail. On both accounts.

3. Wear One Suit Very Well

Let's face it. We're all professionals now. And many of you are still single. Any lady will tell you that a man looks just about his best when he's neatly groomed and nattily attired in a great suit. See: Ryan Gosling in just about any suit. The guy knows how to dress, and clearly, the ladies love him. Thus, there is no reason to head to the office Christmas party or charity gala looking like a 7th grader in Dad's suit.

Get a good, worsted wool suit and make sure it fits pretty well off the rack. The shoulders of the jacket should end where your shoulders end, not after they end (you'll look like the aforementioned 7th grader) and not before they end (you'll look like a fatty in a small suit whose arms are bulging out of his jacket sleeves). When buttoned, you should be able to slip your open hand, palm to chest, in between the jacket and your shirt comfortably. Form that hand into a fist, and the jacket should tug firmly at the top button. No fabric bunching around the back of the neck. Follow those pointers, and you have a jacket that fits your chest and shoulders, and that is the most important part. When standing with arms at your side, the bottom of your jacket should be level with the top of your palm--you know, where the calluses are from all your weightlifting. The sleeves should end just the tiniest bit north of the base of your thumb (ie, where your wrist and thumb meet). This will allow an appropriate amount of shirt cuff to show underneath.

If you've gotten this far, you're ready to hit the tailor (and NOT the tailor at the department store where you're buying this suit). Find a real tailor who has good reviews on Yelp or some other rating site, and test him out first with a pair of business casual slacks. If he does the slacks well and does them the way you've instructed him to, then you've most likely got a guy who can deal with your suit. Bonus points if the guy actually does custom suiting, shirting, etc. and makes his own garments and seems to possess some sense of style himself. With this tailor, have him "suppress the waist" as it's called--to take the suit in a bit in the midsection so that a nice silhouette of your body shape shows. A well-fitting suit should have a slight V-shape to it that accentuates the shape of your body. Like Will Arnett seems to know. No straight down lines--there's no character in that and you end up looking boxy. As a rule of thumb, when buttoned, you should not be able to sit down comfortably in the suit. At your events, you'll be unbuttoning to sit down anyway, but following this rule means you'll have a nice fit when you are standing up, suit buttoned, drink in hand.

Finally, if you want a bit more of a modern look, have the sleeves and jacket shortened just a hair. On sleeves, you should be showing 1/4 to 1/2 inch of shirt cuff underneath when standing. More than 1/2 inch is a bit loud, but seems to be trendy now. Similarly, taking the jacket length up from top-of-palm to mid-palm or even base-of-thumb seems to be in right now. These are not exactly timeless alterations (read: don't do these trendy things to your classic Canali or Purple Label suit), but seem to be "in" right now. Some of these teeny-bopper types seem to have sleeves that are longer than their jackets. I'm not a fan, but hey, I guess some people find it quite becoming.

Get one suit, stick to these basics, and then fancy it up with a good shirt and a great tie, and the women will say "My my, he cleans up nice."

Part and parcel to this is 3a. Know How to Dress--wear shirts that fit, wear pants that fit, have your own sense of style, but also understand some basics like "don't wear jean shorts" and "wear things other than plain black t-shirts with cargo shorts all the time," Anant. Wear a casual blazer when appropriate. Invest in a great pair of black shoes, a great pair of brown shoes, and a casual pair of loafers. Those types of things.

TheRanga's score: TBD. Getting there, I hope.

4. "Own" One Sport or Team

There are certain guys that I don't like talking to because they are just flat-out tough to talk to. If that happens, I always rely on my fallback: sports. In some cases, that makes the aforementioned guy a bit more pleasant to talk to; in other cases, the guy will have no discernible interest in sports, and I begin questioning his manhood and usually give up on talking to the idiot.

Clearly, TheWife gives no credence to this item on the list, but this one is important to TheRanga. I love sports. I love watching sports, I love playing sports, I love talking about sports, I love reading about sports. Most of the guys I know have similar feelings. I think, with every man I know, I can associate at least one sport or sports team with him. And if I can't, then he and I probably aren't great friends. Man-love for sports leads to spirited conversations, passionate debates, hilarious email strings, a fall full of fantasy football fun, more fun when hanging out and of course, a mutual understanding of "You like at least one sport. Ergo, you are a man." Enough said.

TheRanga's score: Pass. An unnecessarily high passing grade, if you ask TheWife.

5. Cook

Yeah, I said it. There's a certain self-sufficiency about a man who knows how to cook, and any woman will tell you she loves a man who knows how to cook. For a romantic night with the lady, it's an unequivocal winner. Even if you burn the shit out of everything, rest assured she'll be thinking "at least he tried" while you both chow down on Papa John's.

Get the basics down. Breakfast is an easy department and one owned by most men-of-the-house, including Dad. Eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy, some homemade hash browns, perhaps some pancakes, who knows. Even dinners can be easy--as Anant says, "master one concept, and all the adjacent recipes will follow." For instance, with Anant's help, last night I infused hot olive oil with some garlic and red chili flakes, then sauteed some chard and mixed nuts in the oil. The concept is now there--infuse oil, add greens, add crunch. Next time? Maybe some wilted spinach and sunflower seeds? Who knows! Flavor, heat, nutrients--can't be beat! Bonus points for being able to grill a good steak, and of course knowing how to make ethnic foods, especially Indian and Thai, which can be pretty complex.

TheRanga's score: Low Pass, but getting higher.

Wow, I'm like half a man, according to myself. Coming next with TheWife's installment of her five things every man should be able to do.




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